If you’re going to get support from your community, it’s really helpful to acknowledge that you understand that marriage is challenging as well as wonderful. Too many weddings focus only on the pleasure and not on the work of marriage. Too many people split up because they underestimate the work involved in making a live with someone else. And making it look magical and wonderful — that’s an exponential increase in effort. Most people will tell you it’s well worth your while, but it is hard work.
Tip: You want to let your community know that you admire the ways in which they have made their relationships flourish and that you will be needing their support so that you can thrive. You’re going to need them to listen to you and turn you around and shove you back towards home when times are tough. They’ve always supported you and that’s why you’re going to keep looking to them for guidance.
It’s helpful to talk at your wedding ceremony, particularly in the statement of support about why this particular community will be helpful to you as you enter marriage. Continue reading
The first part of a Statement of Support includes 2 pieces
- An acknowledgment that marriage is difficult, particularly now when so much mitigates against it. It takes a lot of dedication to make marriage work. Everyone enters marriage expecting it to work. But for all the fa-der-ol about the “sanctity” of marriage, it doesn’t have a lot of importance or support in the real world.
- An acknowledgment of the importance of community to a wedding couple.The facts are in. Couples do better when their community supports them and this important relationship. The more specific a couple can be about why their relationship is important to them in the wedding, the better able a community is to support that marriage in the future.
Tip: Explain the important role that communities make in keep marriages sound. You’re going to ask people for support. Let them know why it matters. They’re more likely to step up to the task. End result? Closer friends and a better marriage!
This is a piece of the wedding that every ceremony ought to have but few do. Bottom line, marriages that are grounded in community do better. If you tell your community you want their support, they’re going to be more conscious about giving it to you. Continue reading
Every marriage should have a blessing invoked. The question for you is: who do you want doing your blessing?
- If you’re religious, this would be the perfect place for a first prayer.
- If you’re not religious, or if you’re spiritual in a way that understands the divine to be located in the people of your community, take a page out of Marcia Falk, who wrote The Book of Blessings. She uses the phrase “Let us Bless” because it places the responsibility in the hands of the community.
Tip: Every relationship needs a reminder that marriage is bigger than the two of you, that there are responsibilities to grow into life-long marriage but that sometimes you’ll want some support for that growth. Ask for it!
What is it about this venue that represents either your history or who you are as a couple today? Has every member of one of your families been married here? Are you a couple who finds meaning in the outdoors and a stand of redwoods seemed perfect to you. Are you golfers and the club-house is a place you are often found?
Tell people why this place is special to them. Make the connections so that they can make the connections. Selecting a place that is part of your life is a great way to keep reinforcing your marriage. Every time you visit, your brain will remember, “I was married here.” That kind of reinforcement helps you remember your wedding vows. That helps you keep them.
Tip: Choose a place that has meaning for your wedding venue. and then tell your crowd why you love it.
You’re getting married and you’ve invited these amazing people to your wedding. You’ve brought together the most important people from your two lives to witness your wedding vows and celebrate your movement into marriage.
- Who are they?
- What do they mean to you?
- What do you want them to do today?
- What do you want them to remember about Love and Marriage?
One of the most wonderful things that happens at a wedding is that somebody”s Aunt Jane gets to meet your best friend’s wife because they have so much in common. Getting that bonding happening is building bridges for your marriage. Those bridges will serve you throughout your marriage. You want your community to mingle. You want them to remember the important ways in which love has changed their lives. You want them to know how important they all are to you.
Tip: Take the time to tell your community why they’re important to you. And then tell them what you’re offering them at your wedding: a chance for the most important people in both your lives to meet, greet and get acquainted — all while having a great time!
This is more work than the Wedding Priestess is ever going to do, but it’s pretty fun! And you’re going to have to admit, this is a community builder, and I’m always in favor of that!
from LOCKDOWN projects on Vimeo.’ >Brian and Eileen’s Wedding
Tip: Enjoy your weekend
OK, The Wedding Priestess will acknowledge right off that there’s a fine line here. I am not advocating one of those made-for-tv-mini-series where Bride and Groom Zilla abuse their community and demand that everyone do it “their way.”
And what I’m suggesting still has a price tag. You’re going to spend money on your wedding. You’re still going to have to manage a budget.
But your wedding can also be an investment in the future of your community. The more your community is drawn in, the more they participate in the making of the wedding; the more likely they are to participate in the growth of the marriage.
Not everyone is going to want to make their wedding gift an activity or a service. But some will. Some will love finding ways to participate with you. There’s uncertainty to live with. You’ll never know what everything is going to look like day of or what’s going to happen, but it’ll be great. Your community will enjoy it — and so will you. (You are going to have to work on the meaning of the ceremony and the wedding vows so that people know they’re participating in something that makes a difference!)
This is only viable if you are people who are understood to invest in your communities.
Tip: consider a community wedding, where the emphasis is on the people in your lives and your desire for them to witness your vows and celebrate together. And then see what kind of wedding magic you can make together.
There’s one last area that will build community support for your marriage:
Your Post Wedding Behavior!
Offer your community opportunities to participate in your life. Plan parties and picnics and work projects. Make them a piece of who you are and what you do.
And then, let people understand how you’re living into your vows by the way you deal with one another. People are seduced by couples who treat one another with respect and affection. Do things you enjoy doing together and revel in one another’s company. Keep finding new things you like doing. Or perfect the old things!
Tip: Your community really wants you to succeed at your marriage. Why not let them help? Help them help you by showing them what a great relationship you are growing and nurturing.