Wedding Fairs: Cautionary Advice

Wedding Fairs are wonderful things with lots of exciting ideas for brides and grooms. But, (how did you know that was coming?)

You want to go off to wedding fairs prepared to take notes rather than purchase (unless you already know exactly what you’re looking for!)

These events are filled with lavish excess and that’s a ball to experience. They are not, however, necessarily filled with things you need for your wedding. And they’re built to get you to buy. So be careful. Don’t blow the budget!

Enjoy them, sample all the pastries and rub wonderful creams on your hands. And then go home and make some sound decisions about what you want at your wedding and what realistically, given that your future happiness is still interlinked with your financial groundedness, you can afford!

Sitting Backseat at a Fun-filled Marriage Workshop

I’m on a roadtrip with my friends Barb and Paul. We’re winding around the mid-west with their new RV as our focus. We’re proving to be persistent hunters. It’s proving to be a bit elusive! There have been problems to solve, but we’re going to the source.

This has been a wonderful journey for a newly wed and a wedding priestess. Here they are with all these very real obstacles: you can’t ride in a motor home in your wheel chair if you can’t lock in; it’s hot; handicapped accessible rooms that aren’t; they’re both tired from a lot of traveling, barb’s pain-level hovers constantly near intolerable, and obtw, this camping thing is something they’re excited about, but will have lots of challenges. All of their skills are being tested. And you know what? They’re thriving.

They get nervous, they find a solution. So far, I haven’t seen those solutions include flare-ups between them. They have different skill sets, different levels of curiousity about different things. And they’re coping. They’re holding on to the dream of how exciting it is and making it all work. And when we get back into the car to go to the next place they’re laughing and affectionate.

Now I know them, I know they’re human. I’m sure there are gripes and snipes that they’re not sharing with me (another learning point!) But this project has been by starts and turns exciting, disappointing, worrying, overwhelming. And they’re having an adventure. And they’re doing it all with me there.

It’s a privilege. and it’s funner than lots of things I’ve done recently!

Tip: there’s no reason to take your stress out on one another. Solving problems can make you happy and better connected. And going off on adventures is a great way to build and polish your skill set — and have a great time! This is marriage building! Try it, you’ll like it!

Integrity, Soul Mates, Marriage Vows: #2

Ah, Soul Mates. The world loves to talk about soul mates. We love to feel as if there is another person out there who, when at last we meet, will complete us.

  • Problem: We only complete ourselves. We need to be whole human beings. Our partners can be wonderful complements to who we are and incredible companions, but it’s unfair to burden them with the job of fulfilling our destiny.
  • Another Problem: I often think we look for soul mates when we’re floundering about in our problems. Anything and anyone outside our lives looks to have great answers. Hello, Governor Sanford, I’m talking to you.
  • And one last problem: If we determine that a particular person is our soul mate, the minute something goes wrong, we have to demonize them. And infatuation causes us to see only the grand things. Living day-by-day causes us to see the whole person, who however wonderful, is always going to squeeze the toothpaste from the middle, or something equally annoying.

I’ll ponder for a while about whether I think we become soul mates, or whether we might just as well find a new term to describe a beloved partner with whom we’ve grown into accord. Wow, I know, how about beloved partner?

Tip: Am I crazy? what do you think? write and let me know!

10 Steps to Building Your Perfect Wedding Ceremony: #3b Gratitude

One of the things we often overlook in wedding ceremonies is the importance of expressing appreciation and gratitude.

You’re getting married to an unbelievable person. If that doesn’t deserve a moment of awestruck wonder and gratitude, what does? It’s an important part of a wedding ceremony.

But equally important is taking the time to thank the people who taught you, to the best of their abilities, to say I love you and to show love. To be love. However mixed up your family, and many are, the fact is, what they wanted most was to love you and see you flourish. For some of those people we have to admit, they only manage that on their best days and they may not have a lot of them.

But most people really do the best they can. Appreciate that. I find two things happen when sincere thanks are expressed:

  1. Parents’ and families’ hearts are warmed by your gratitude. Warm hearts have room for more love!
  2. People who are thanked somehow see you as ready to move on to the next phase of your life, in this case your new family. It softens the inevitable transitions of relationship.

Tip: Thank the peope who brought you this far and who will be there for you in the future. (Because if you hadn’t wanted them to be there, you wouldn’t have invited them.) And you have to hope if the relationships are difficult that your thanking them will ease the relationship. So you not only express your gratitude, you also may better those ties. Not a bad thing at all.

10 Steps to the Perfect Wedding Ceremony: #2 The Invocation

The second segment of my 10 Steps to a Perfect Wedding ceremony is the Invocation. Traditionally, this has been understood only as a calling on God.

But to invoke means simply to call. This segment does best when it invokes 4 different areas:

  1. History: you are not the first couple to stand in front of your community to proclaim your Love. Your love is not the first to transform lives. There is power in those connections.
  2. Community: Who are the people who have gathered? What do you want from these people at your wedding ceremony and beyond?
  3. Place: Why have you chosen this venue? What’s significant about it to your family, or your lifestyle.
  4. Blessing: Every marriage requires blessing. The only question is from whom are you seeking that blessing? Many people will choose to ask for a Divine blessing. Others will be more comfortable with a community blessing. Still others will leave it up to the guests and offer a place of silence.

Tip: Keep adding in the important segments of your ceremony and it’s going to lead you to a wonderful wedding ceremony AND the marriage in which you want to live forever. Hang around we’ll look at some of this. My book, Promises to Keep: Crafting Your Wedding Ceremony can help you build the wedding ceremony of your dreams and the marriage of a lifetime.

Prop 8 Decision to Come Tomorrow

Dear Readers,

It looks as if California’s Supreme Court will hand down its rulings on Prop 8 which denies same sex marriage by tomorrow.

So today, while two sides wait in trepidation, let me speak to those who don’t believe this is a big deal.

Marriage is a big deal. There are not ever going to be too many loving, committed relationships. The right to marry is a big deal. Public marriage engenders support from the community. As a celebrant, I have seen parental and community support change as they witness their children’s weddings. “Oh,” they say, “they want to get married because they love one another.”

Another way to have your cake!

In Massachusetts, they’ve found that gays, who have the right to marry there, are divorcing as frequently as straights. On the other hand, Massachusetts has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country. The highest divorce rates in the country are in states where there is the biggest resistance to equal marriage rights.

  • I believe in equality of marriage rights.
  • I believe it will make marriage stronger as it emphasizes the importance of marriage and the protection of families.
  • I believe it is in the best interest of everyone to work for equal rights and equal rites.

I would like to see people who are concerned about marriage working on helping people stay married. Smacking our foreheads and saying it’s a dirty rotten shame has not been helpful. Smacking the divorcing and telling them they’re dirty and rotten has not been helpful. Here are the facts. People save more money and are more stable in marriage. Children are more secure and do better in life when raised in stable two parent families. Wanna work on something? Work on that!

Tip: Stand up for loving relationship. Stand up for stable communities. Stand up for marriage. Everyone’s and your own. Support Equal Marriage Rights.

Need an engagement ring? Enter the Sokobe contest

Wedding Priestess Interrupts this regularly scheduled column to let you know about a contest. Are you thinking about getting engaged? Not sure you can afford a ring? Do you know why you want to marry your beloved and why you want a gorgeous diamond solitaire?

Then SoKoBe has a deal for you! All you have to do is write about why you deserve to win a SoKoBe diamond ring (retail price $4,600). Then post your story on your own web site. (Go read about the contest here.)

  • First place – Sokobe Diamond Ring – 1.02 carat, I color, SI-1 clarity with an EGL certificate. Retails for $4,600. Setting will be 18K white gold. Ring size to be determined by the winner.
  • Second place – 1/2-carat Diamond Stud Earrings set in 18K white gold with push backs. Retails for $1,400.
  • Third place – 1/4-carat Diamond Stud Earrings set in 18K white gold with push backs. Retails $650.

Here are the deets:  To enter the contest to win a free Sokobe diamond or other prizes, follow these easy steps:

  1. In 300 words or more, write about why you deserve to win a diamond ring from Sokobe.
  2. Post your story to your web site. You MUST mention the contest is being held at
  3. Go to “Enter the Contest” Button below and fill out the entry form. The form will include your contact information, in the event you win. You will also include the URL to the post you wrote explaining why you deserve to win a free Sokobe diamond. Don’t forget to fill out this entry form or you can’t win the diamond.

Good luck! And you’d better let the WP know if you win!

10 Ways to find your Wedding Dress – #3

Here’s Tip 3 for finding the PERFECT wedding dress:

Buy High-end off the rack: The next new thing in wedding gowns. Luxurious and gorgeous. This is what you see in the movies. Is this what you want? They have their own bridal stores and some of them are available in the high-end bridal stores.

Tip: Small Bridal Boutiques are a great place to shop and get good service. They have a vested interest in people’s being dressed in a way that flatters. Small business make their money on referrals. So they’ll be incredibly helpful! For those of us who don’t like to shop? This is heaven!