OK, maybe I’ve been reading too many sword and sorcery novels recently. I seem to be on a campaign about helping people understand the true nature of wedding vows. More and more I’m believing that the making and keeping of oaths is incredibly important to who we are as human beings.
Recently in the newspaper, we’ve seen lives lost and careers ruined. As always, the emphasis get placed on the out-of-bounds sex. But it’s the lying and the oath-breaking that are shattering lives and families.
Often the lover is blamed. (and what’s this with the return to the use of the word mistress? That’s a word from a by-gone era if ever I’ve heard one. And it makes pretty clear that the relationship is unequal and financial in nature.) And women would be better not to sleep with other people’s husbands. But they’re not in the marriage, so I’m less concerned with them in this column. I’m more interested in the people breaking the vows. (and it’s not all men, although the ratio still seems to be 2:1 men:women given the stats available on marriage.)
Marriage vows (much like oaths of office) are meant to be kept. They should be constructed so you can keep them. (For another undetermined time, you can still grab the Wedding Vow Workbook over in the shop. It’s on sale at the moment, but it will be disappearing soon for a facelift. The wedding vow templates are free in the corner. Sign up, if you haven’t already.) Being a person of your word is important to you (to me, to everyone). Promise keeping (and promise breaking) shapes your understanding of yourself. Who do you want to be? How do you want to be known? How do you choose to live your life?
Tip: The decision isn’t made by fate or love. The decision is made by you. If you love someone enough to plan a life together, then love them and yourself enough to take that seriously. If it turns out to be a wrong decision, you may want or need to change it. But inconvenience or lust are pretty stupid reasons to give up your integrity. Thoughts?