On the Eleventh Day of Christmas

On the eleventh Day of Christmas, My Beloved gave to me
Eleven paths to friendship
Ten ways you love me
Nine hours of sleeping
Eight gifts of bounty
Seven days a-helping
Six stolen kisses
Five looks of Love
Four calling friends
Three snow strolls
Two nestling hearts
And a day free of expectations.

Too often when people fall in love, their interest in their long-term friends falls away. Now, this is somewhat understandable, after all, the species has survived because of the power of infatuation. Being swept away keeps us moving into marriage and family. But we are more than our hormones! And we need friends with whom to hang out, celebrate and commiserate.

As you get ready to choose your attendants, there are many ways to think through who will stand with you as you step forward into your life. It’s true your BFF from kindergarten probably needs to be there. But what are the qualities that you and your beloved truly value in friends.

  • List 11 ways you are a good friend. If your list isn’t as long as you’d like it to be, there’s some work for the new year! Being a good friend is a fairly fundamental characteristic of being a good person, in the Wedding Priestess’ humble opinion.
  • Then list 11 ways that friends support, challenge, stimulate and amuse you.
  • What are the most important characteristics to you?
  • Then consider your friends in light of those characteristics. Who among them have been really good friends?
  • Are they the same people you were considering as attendants? Were there people missing from your attendant list?

Tip: It’s fine if you’ve already made your attendant choices and this list teaches you something different. You now have the opportunity to find other ways to weave these people into your lives. The success and health of your marriage is enhanced by being a member of a thriving, healthy community. So as the Girl Scout song says “Make new friends, but keep the old, One is silver and the other gold!)

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