Here you are with this big ol’ heap of tasks and the need to figure out how the two of you are going to get through it in a way that not only doesn’t damage the relationship but actually adds to it. It’s time to practice problem solving. If you have problems, deal with the problems, rather than the “wow, aren’t you a pain movement” away from your partner. Get help if you need to, but find a way to talk about your troubles and manage or even solve them! Wedding planning brings up a lot!
- Is it ok with you if your partner has a different point a view from yours?
- Is it ok with you if you disagree with your partner?
- Do you know how to disagree with someone? Does your partner?
- Do you know how to resolve the disagreements you must and live with the differences you can’t resolve.
- Can you talk frankly and freely about the problem as well as about your feelings?
- Are you willing to talk frankly and freely about the problems, or would you rather stew?
- Are you willing to do what it takes to both plan and execute those plans for the wedding of your dreams and the marriage of a lifetime?
- Do you have the number of a great therapist who can help you move forward with these skills if you’re not making headway?
Sometimes our expectations of ourselves are really ridiculous. Let’s see, you’re supposed to work full time, maintain a house and yourself, sustain a relationship, create your wedding ceremony and the wedding vows: those promises by which you will live your lives, and oh, yeah, plan a party for somewhere between 75-350 of your nearest and dearest friends. Not everyone can do all those things, so it doesn’t make you a bad person!
You really need to be working together on the planning process. You may have hired a wedding planner or gotten the fabulous planning book. But you need to be on the same page about planning your wedding and your marriage. You need to be committed to the details as well as to the process; to the marriage as well as to the wedding.
Tip: This is your beloved; he or she wants the best possible things from and for you. Why don’t you both commit to giving those things to one another and have a fabulous wedding, and quite likely, a pretty fabulous marriage as well!