Folding your Family into the Mix

Well, one of the great things about being an MAB is that you tend to have lots of family on both ends of the continuum. Even if you’re a first time bride, as I was, and don’t have your own children, chances are you’ll have a lot of children around that you’re connected to, whether by blood or spirit. Your parents, if they’re still around, could be more frail, but they’re still important additions to the mix.

I couldn’t get over how rich the mix was. I recognize that I’m completely sappy about this, and that I love making any celebration a big old community celebration, but really, it was great to have this huge sweep of history at your wedding.

It totally transforms the event. When I work with younger couples, they often miss the importance of community aspect. For them, and rightly so, it’s all about the couple and the new unit being formed. But for MABs so much life has been happening that all of that gets celebrated as well.

At my wedding there were a group of new friends I had come to know as my friend Maggie was dying. Those people met my friends from Sweden whom I’d gotten to know 40 years ago. It was amazing. And Steve got to know that swath of life through my friends (and vice versa!)

My father, aged 92, spoke at my wedding. I knew I wanted that to happen. And he was fabulous, vintage Sam. But the importance of his participation and presence was so heightened when he died less than two months after the wedding. I used the blessing and charge he offered Steve and me, and all our guests, as the benediction at his funeral.

My Mom, who has alzheimer’s was the sweetest comfort throughout that day and she was absolutely aware of what was happening. Didn’t miss a joke, a chance to welcome Steve, or the sight of the chocolate cake or her beloved husband.

You can’t know how significant someone’s participation in your wedding will be until later, but if you don’t make the space, it won’t happen. Don’t be afraid of taking the time to enjoy the ceremony and the people you love.

Girlfriends, We’ve got it all going on! It’s doable. I believe in us. And we sure deserve it!


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