Since I last posted, I’ve been thinking about a couple from quite a few years ago. She and her husband came to me from a group of people who knew one another. Many of the women were in the same book group.
My current client remarked that Tanya always had nice things to say about her husband. She didn’t just love him, she was interested in him. At the same time her husband Michael was proud of the work that Tanya was doing. He never waited to be asked about her. This client saw this in Tanya and decided to make it part of her life.
Now, I’m sure this never happens to you, but I must admit I’m a champeen whiner about my Sweetie Beloved. It’s great on the one hand. Steve is a larger than life figure and laughs and laughs when I take the mickey out of him.
But I have to wonder, what kind of person would I be if all the laughter I generated about Steve was generated from the wonderful things about him, not just the miniscule frustrating things. And the more I fret about those miniscule things the bigger they get. Now one of the first things Steve said to me is “I’m no walk in the park when it comes to being in relationship.” He’s been divorced for almost 20 years, so the 23 years of marriage has had a chance to wear off.
But let’s get clear, I’m 55, I’ve never been married and only briefly chosen to live with people. I’m a woman with a point of view. What’s the likelihood that I’m “a walk in the park?” And yet Steve is far more able to say, “ah the rough edges are just what happens in relationship.” OK, I admit it. He’s actually a much nicer person than I am in that respect.
It’s a little thing. He’s pretty clear I’m a frustrated stand-up comedian and he’s a person with a very large and unfragile ego. But wouldn’t I be a nicer person if I found something else to laugh about… and fret about because I do. And wouldn’t it be more productive because he’s probably not going to change the things he likes doing or that work for him.
So, what if I considered not whining about him? (oh but I do it so well?) It does nothing but reinforce my sense that I’m right about everything in the world. And in this case, my Sweet Pea is entitled to be Steve Mitchell. Cause that’s who he is! What if I freed up all that time to love him as he is?
What if you freed up all that time to love your Beloved as he or she is? How would life be different, better, more wonderful? Why not tell me both how you’ve allowed yourself to love your Sweetie more healthily and what that has brought you?
Your love deserves nothing less!
Believing in you and your love,