Romance isn’t always on your mind when the mortgage check is due, the dishwasher is broken and the baby’s temp is over 100 degrees. But the promises that you will endure the hard times with grace, grounded in your community’s promise to support and nurture you through these times can make all the difference. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had couples call me and say, “Ann, we’ve lived by our oaths for 6 (10, 15, 20 years) and while it’s been hard, we’re still here, still keeping our promises to one another.” Those promises need to be ones you can lean on.
It’s also important as you’re gathering your wedding guests to be sure that they are people you will want to lean on in the years to come. Who are the people and the communities you look too most frequently for support? If you listen to all the hoopla about marriage these days, you’d think that it was something that was easily attainable. Well, of course, getting married is. Staying married is something different. In fact, the people who clamor the loudest about the sanctity of marriage and its importance are the ones with the highest divorce rates.
So you need to build your guest list carefully. After 4 years of middle-aged romance, my Sweet Pea and I are having a commitment ceremony. We’ve talked a lot about whom to invite. The two of us are both extreme extroverts with jobs that keep us in the community’s view. He’s a musician, and there are several different communities who see him and us. It makes sense to have them as witnesses, reminders, of the promises we are making one another. I’m very active in a religious community. (Much to my surprise!) So, the entire congregation from the UUCSV will be invited to witness and celebrate our ceremony. Who comprises the guest list at your wedding is an old question… but the answer must be filtered through our changed and changing world. Use a new lens to make those traditions work for you as you undertake to live happily and healthily ever after!
Your love deserves nothing less!
Believing in you and your love,